Thursday, May 19, 2011

in the meantime


I was thinking on what to post, and im writing quite a few ideas down, but in the meantime I will post some pictures of a casual weekend family outing :)









This was mother's day 2010, one year ago. very simple but VERY happy day























Monday, May 9, 2011

Time flies



You always hear it before being a mom or a dad, "they grow up so fast", I actually heard it many times from many people, including my parents.



It's also true that you do not truly appreciate your parents until you become one yourself,


I remember the day it finally came to me like a tidal wave, My Daughter had only been born for a couple of days and I was just finishing breastfeeding her because she fell asleep, so I was just staring at her enjoying the moment and at that time a big wave of emotion came over me and I "felt it" I totally felt it at that moment! The LOVE!!! I still remember the WAVE and became very emotional and called my mother on the phone and told her: “I finally know!” “I now mom how much you love me!!" of course my mom started to cry and I myself still get teary eyed as I am writing this here.


That experience still amazes me.




You always know that your mother loves you, I know that there are people who don't experience that love and I consider myself lucky that my mother is in my life, and grandmother for that matter, I am truly lucky to have had them in my life. My mom is still living but my grandmother "my lita" is not. I wish my grandmother could have been here when my daughter was born and to see how stubborn her great granddaughter is just like her and me.



I also miss my father but I do see him in my daughter’s gestures and in her love of music.



This post was just to say publicly to my mother that I love her and I now appreciate all the things you did for me, and all the patience that you showed even thru my teen age years and my "know it all” twenties. I love you.



Sunday, May 8, 2011

OMG! I have not written in more than a year!

I always say I'm going to write in my blog, but always end up doing other things, something else that may or may not be important.


Right now my days are full of: work as a doctor, taking care of other people and then drive a long commute to take care of my family, very happy mind you but very exhausting too! I try to do something for me once in a while but that is very seldom, I miss my friends terribly, let people down most of the time because I want to do so many things on my time off of work that I cannot make time for everything that I want to do or I want to see.



(this is not me, I took this picture using my iphone and instagram of my fellow doctors )









My priority is my child, and my husband of course!, my mother and sister who GOD thank you for this one! now live less than 5 minutes away from my house, which is wonderful.



( here we are at home outside )













I will try to write and include this blog now more often in my schedule as it will help me to remember later on in life how my life is at this moment. I do enjoy reading other blogs and those blogs have helped me in reminding me that there is no "perfect" mother.





thank you all ( mommy blogs) !

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

October is almost over!


WHAT??!! it's already October?? and it's ending already??


these past months have gone by like the rain, extremely fast. And what has happend in this time when I did not write a thing here?.




well let us play catch up really quick. I just got back to work at my baby's 5 months, was having MAYOR issues with it, but got over them ( of course I had some help from effexor, but that is another story and will blog later), she was staying with my mother at that point so it was great. After that month was over, my mother had to go back to work so it was my mother's in law time to be with her, and that brought many things along.... good and bad. Dont take me wrong my mother in law is very good and sweet, but it's the part of oneself that I had trouble with.


When that month was over she started daycare, only 5 hours a day in which half of that time is spent napping, but the other times are meant for early stimulation classes, because also she does not want to crawl,, not one bit of interest in that department, So now I run from work to get her and we spend all day toguether, she does not nap at home, so I can say finally I'm enjoying being a mother, ( I dont have to take the effexor anymore also, will tell how later) I still have some bad days, but they are now very seldom and apart.




Something happend to my marriage also.... something good, but of course we had to hit a little bottom for that first, but now I'm getting to know my partner in life in a whole new way and also he is seeing a new part of me too....




I will write more often know, I remember it feels good to talk into the nothing. I do wish I could enable the spell check in English ..


it would make things easier.. until next time..soon ..

Monday, July 20, 2009

first of many well, not so much huh?!!

I wanted to write more often, but with going back to work and caring for my now 5 month old, life had other things planned.



HOw do I feel about going back to work? well the side of me that is very competitive is very happy the part of my brain that loves to figure out puzzles is extremly happy for the stimulus, but then there's the other side, the new side of me that is being a new mother, that side is screaming!!: " how dare you!!" " how dare you go to work and leave your child!" "bad mother" and of course this makes my non- medicated PPD worse, but anyway my child is a happy one, being with my mother has been good for both of them, my mom is in much better spirits since my dad passed, she brings new life and energy to her and i'm greatful for that.






But, how can I get rid of these feelings?? I'm supposed to know better, being a doctor and all, but i dont want to try the drugs .. at least yet. I'm still breastfeeding, and pumping at work has NOT been easy, but you know ... my competitive mom side( and you know or you can't tell me there is no worse competitor than other mothers) makes me be ashamed because i'm considering formula now, my milk is going away slowly no matter how and continuesly I pump or meds I take.



soooo there it is, my baby is not gonna have the best start in life because I gave her formula... and my remorse starts.. Not that I truly believe that, it's just again, reading and knowing that breastmilk is better of course I wanted to do it for her first year of life, what parent does not want the best for their children.



but anyway.. it felt good to write this, to write and not hear a word back, it somewhat puts things into perspective, maybe like cheap therapy ... ha!



until next time.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

first of many

wow, i actually started one of these....
I never thought of writing my thoughts or daily activities but for me this has been very therapeutic, during my pregnancy everything seemed possible in a positive sense of things I was lucky, let me rephrase that, I was extremely lucky, I had zero ZERO!! pregnancy symptoms, felt great, my delivery also was good, the pain? yes it was there and i felt it, believe me I felt it, but the hard times was to come... very hard..

It happend or it caught up to me about the 3rd day after my daughter was born, the "baby blues" yes I spent the next 3 days in a row crying and in physical pain, a pain that felt like I had been run over ten times by a car and after that kicked all over, I went to the doctor and she told me everything was ok and this is normal and to call her if this lasted more than 2 weeks. It somewhat got better or better yet I got used to it. Life passed, days became weeks and well, you know how that goes, now its been 4 months and if you ask me how do you feel?? I will answer "ok" and i will not be lying but I feel very different, I am mostly ok. But I get anxious easily and my body aches and I can cry on the spot, sounds like PPD? well maybe it could be, but I am in denial. The though of taking meds for this makes me cringe so I will try alternative meassures for now.

My daughter, let talk about her, she is my gift in this life. she makes everything worth it and a smile from her makes all the pain go away.

well this is the start, I'll see how this goes....